


The Only Reason

by Ithiel_Dragon



Series: Reasons [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, Galra Keith (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, On Hiatus, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Season/Series 01, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 02:10:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11071863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithiel_Dragon/pseuds/Ithiel_Dragon
Summary: Shiro and Keith hit more than a few speed bumps in their growing relationship.  Shiro has to begin dealing with the trauma he went through at the hands of the Galra if he wants to move forward with Keith.  Keith has his own issues to deal with, now that he knows he is part of the race that hurt his friend and lover so badly.





	1. Chapter 1

Keith pressed his lips to a strong pectoral muscle, and felt Shiro's thundering heartbeat beneath his mouth. His tongue darted out to lick across a prominent raised scar, and traced along the length. Then, before he let the older man think too much about it, diverted to suck teasingly on Shiro's closest nipple.  He toyed with the sensitive peak until the other man shuddered and moaned beautifully.

Pleased with himself, Keith lifted his head to observe his handiwork. Shiro was sprawled out on the bed bare chested, his shirt having been discarded almost as soon as they'd entered the room. He was still wearing a pair of tight dark pants, though not for much longer if Keith had any say in the matter. The prominent bulge of Shiro's cock tented the front of those skintight pants, and made Keith's mouth water.

Fuck, he was beautiful. His skin was flushed with pleasure and muscles glistened with sweat and Keith's saliva. Shiro had his head thrown back in abandonment, and his fingers clutched the sheets with pleasure. He already looked completely undone, and they'd barely gotten started.

Keith trailed his fingers down the length of Shiro's chest and stomach, loving the way the strong muscles shivered and clenched under his touch. Though the path of his hands slowed when his fingers neared the four new scars marring Shiro's side.  Though healed, they were still shiny and pink. Keith's jaw clenched. It was far too easy to recall how the wounds had glowed a vicious purple only a few days ago. Some kind of poisonous magical wound inflicted on Shiro by that witch Haggar. Fear gripped his heart remembering how Shiro had almost died on that forsaken rock they'd been stranded on. If the Castle of Lions hadn't shown up when it had… how much longer would Shiro have lasted? A few days? A few hours? Shiro had been so sure he was dying, that he'd asked Keith to take over as the leader of Voltron if he didn't make it…

"You okay, babe?" Shiro's soft words pulled Keith out of the painful memory. He tore his eyes away from the scars to meet Shiro's soft gray eyes. They were dark and still dilated with pleasure, but there was concern in them as well. Shiro's right hand gently brushed over Keith's fingers that lingered over the healed wound and that finally seemed to snap Keith from his paralysis.

"Yeah," Keith was quick to reassure, though Shiro didn't look all that convinced. So he crawled up the length of Shiro's body, planted his knees on either side of the older man's hips, and leaned in to capture the other's lips in a sensual kiss. Slow and tender, but with just enough tongue to make it filthy. After all, Keith didn't want Shiro getting any ideas about stopping what they were doing. Keith had been very patient waiting this long. He wanted Shiro and he didn't want to wait anymore.

Shiro's low groan of pleasure as the older man's hands settled on his hips and then began to work their way up underneath the back of Keith's shirt was more than satisfying. Keith grinned into the kiss, pleased with himself, sucking wetly on Shiro's tongue one final time before he drew back enough to look down at the other man. Shiro's eyes were so dark with lust they looked nearly black.

"You can't always distract me like that, you know," the older man said even though he was even more flushed than before and breathing heavily. Keith smiled slowly.

"I dunno. Seems pretty effective to me," the younger man teased before rubbing his ass against Shiro's crotch. Even through the layers of clothing they were wearing Keith could feel the older man's erection and Shiro hissed, catching his lower lip with his teeth as his eyes fluttered in pleasure.

"Fuck, Shiro. You're so hot…" Keith couldn't help but groan, and grinned at the way Shiro's pale skin flushed from his cheeks all the way down his chest.

He knew that Shiro was still sensitive about the way he looked, especially when it came to the scars and his mechanical arm. The first time Keith had set out to lovingly kiss every single scar on Shiro's body the older man had started crying before he was even halfway through. Keith had felt horrible.

It was still difficult sometimes, but Shiro was getting better at accepting Keith's praise without doubt filling his eyes. He didn't try to hide his body anymore and rarely flinched when Keith touched or kissed his scarred flesh. Keith still pushed gently at Shiro's limits, because that's what he needed, but he was careful not to go beyond them.

Keith ran his hands slowly down Shiro's chest from his shoulders downward, savoring the heat and strength he felt beneath his touch. He leaned in to press a kiss to the underside of Shiro's jaw, neck, and scraped his teeth lightly over his prominent collarbone. Keith scooted lower. He enjoyed the feeling of Shiro's crotch rocking up into his stomach as he sucked playfully on one nipple and then the other.

He shifted and urged Shiro's legs apart so that he could fit between them as he continued lower. Propped up with his hands beside Shiro's hips, Keith traced the older man's stomach muscles with his tongue. Shiro groaned when he teased around his bellybutton and then Keith was pressing warm kisses into his skin as he followed the light trail of hair down to the waistband of Shiro's pants.

Keith glanced upwards at Shiro who was propped up on his elbows staring down at him with rapt attention. Without looking away, Keith rubbed his cheek against the prominent bulge. He loved the way Shiro's breath hitched and his stomach muscles clenched.

"Can I suck you off?" Keith asked, his mouth hovering over Shiro's trapped erection. The older man swallowed audibly and nodded. Keith grinned and immediately went to work opening Shiro's pants and tugging them down his thighs along with his underwear. Shiro obliged by lifting his hips, but gave Keith no further aid. Keith had been very specific when he'd all but dragged Shiro into his room from the infirmary. Shiro was supposed to just lie on the bed and relax and let Keith do all the work. So that was exactly what he was doing.

Keith made himself comfortable between Shiro's legs, pressing kisses to the older man's bare thighs as he worked his way closer and closer to the hard cock straining up towards Shiro's stomach. This wasn't the first time he'd done this for Shiro, but it was still rather new to him. The first time had been rather nerve wracking, though he'd tried not to let it show. Of course Shiro had noticed, and had been nothing but encouraging. Giving him little tips throughout but mostly allowing him to go at his own pace and figure things out on his own.

Keith had quickly learned that he loved sucking on Shiro's cock. He was certainly no expert, but Keith had a feeling Shiro was bigger than average. Not really surprising since the older man was taller and broader than most people Keith had met, so it made sense his cock would be bigger too. He was certainly bigger than Keith. Keith loved it.

Loved how his lips had to stretch so wide around the head as he took Shiro into his mouth. He loved how hot it felt in his hand as he wrapped his fingers around the thick shaft. He loved the taste as his tongue flicked into the sensitive slit and precum began to leak from Shiro with so little attention. He loved the smell of sex and Shiro's unique scent stronger and muskier here. He loved how it hit the back of his throat as he took Shiro in as deeply as he could, how Keith had to use his hand on the rest of the shaft because he simply couldn't fit it all into his mouth. He loved the sounds Shiro made, deep moans and shuddering sighs. He loved how Shiro's thighs trembled with the effort not to lift up, to thrust, to force more of his cock down Keith's throat than he could handle.

Keith looked up, not wanting to miss how Shiro looked with his head thrown back, his mouth parted on the gasps of pleasure he pulled from the older man. Always trying to push his own limits, Keith tried to take Shiro deeper, into his throat. He envied Shiro's ability to deep-throat him and he desperately wanted to learn how to do the same. He had never managed it without gagging, and it seemed like this time he wouldn't manage it either. As usual his gag reflex immediately kicked in and Keith had to pull back sharply to prevent choking himself and his eyes immediately began to water embarrassingly from the abuse to his throat.

Keith felt Shiro's fingers slide through his hair comfortingly as he coughed, trying to catch his breath.

"Easy, don't hurt yourself," Shiro chided him gently as he cradled the back of his head. Keith gave one last cough and he glared mildly up at the older man as he blinked the wetness out of his eyes.

"You can do it. I want to learn too," Keith said stubbornly. Shiro chuckled warmly.

"It's not a competition, babe," he reminded Keith gently.

"I know," Keith replied, still a little put out despite Shiro's words. Then a thought occurred to him, "So, how did you learn?"

Keith regretted his words almost immediately when a shadow suddenly fell over Shiro's open expression. It happened sometimes. Like that first night when Keith had teasingly told Shiro to strip and the other man had nearly panicked. Keith had his suspicions as to why, but he'd always been too afraid to ask and confirm his fears, and of course Shiro didn't offer the information willingly.

"Shiro?" Keith's voice cracked with concern and that seemed to jog Shiro out of his momentary paralysis. Shiro blinked as he came back from whatever memory Keith had involuntarily sent him to, and he immediately plastered on a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

Shit. Shitshitshit.

"I'm okay," Shiro lied.

"No you're not," Keith whispered, his words shaky and his eyes watering again for a different reason. The smile slipped off of Shiro's face and the older man sighed heavily.

"Come here," Shiro requested, holding his arms open. Keith was slow to move at first, but then he crawled back up the older man's body and all but threw himself into Shiro's arms. Shiro hugged him tightly to his chest and pressed a soft kiss to the top of his hair.

"I'm sorry," Keith whispered.

"Don't be. It's not your fault," Shiro replied.

No, maybe not, but it still felt like it. When was he going to learn to think before he opened his big mouth?

"It's not your fault either," Keith said softly, knowing Shiro all too well. The man would try to blame himself for this even though he hadn't done anything. No, the only ones that could truly be blamed were the Galra. They were the one's who'd took Shiro prisoner. Tortured him. Forced him to fight and kill other prisoners. Tried to turn him into a weapon… maybe even…

Keith couldn't even think the word. If he did he might start sobbing uncontrollably or screaming in rage and he couldn't. He couldn't break down like that. That was the last thing Shiro needed right now.

Damn it. After everything they had been through, he'd only wanted to make Shiro feel good for a little while. Was that really too much to ask?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In celebration of Sheith Day. A little late.

It was cold in the small cell. But that wasn't really anything new. It was always cold. The Galra didn't really care much about the comfort of their slaves, not even their so-called 'champion'. Only keeping the cells barely above freezing for most of the prisoners.

He should have been used to it by now. But it was always a shock after a match in the arena. Compared to the cells, the arena was a sweltering sauna of heat. The combined body heat from so many aliens crowding the stands during the matches, the bright spotlights shining down from above making sure none of the action was missed by the spectators, not to mention the heat generated by sheer physical exertion. It was an almost painful shock to return to his frigid cell after a match. The cold walls and floor like an icy brand against his overheated skin, almost worse than the wounds he'd received.

He'd gotten off lightly this time, having received mostly bruises and scratches. Some were deep enough to probably require stitches, but the Galra healers hadn't seemed to think it necessary. Not surprising, as they didn't bother treating most prisoners unless they were in danger of bleeding out. Honestly, most of the time Shiro was grateful for his captor's neglect.

As the 'Champion' he'd been forced to endure the healer's care enough times to know he'd more often than not prefer to go without it and take care of any wound himself. There had been only a few times when he'd been injured enough to require the use of a healing chamber. By then he'd become popular enough in the arena that he had been given treatment rather than simply allowed to die from his wounds. Most weren't so lucky.

Though sometimes when he heard the heavy tread of the guards coming down the hall outside his cell after a match, he wished they had simply let him die. When the footsteps halted outside of his cell, his lungs seized and his heart began to race with panic.

Please… please not again…

But he knew all too well his silent prayers were useless. After all, he was the 'Champion' and he was always in high demand after a match. No wonder the healers hadn't bothered to patch him up at all. No reason to waste their time fixing him up twice…

Adrenaline pumped like hot acid through his veins and he stood on shaking legs, his back pressed against the wall, his feet apart, and his hands clenched ready at his sides even though he knew fighting would be useless. The air in the cell was already beginning to feel thin and dizziness hit him like a sledgehammer, sending him to his knees despite how he tried to fight it. He gasped as dark spots danced in front of his eyes.

He heard the cell door open.

He tried to move, to get back on his feet, to fight, but the gas had rendered him practically paralyzed and unable to even put up a token resistance as the guards entered and quickly restrained him. All too soon the chains were around his wrists and ankles and Shiro was being hauled up to face one of the Galra guards who smiled evilly at him.

"Time meet your adoring fans again, Champion."

* * *

 

Shiro came awake with a panicked gasp. For several painful moments he couldn't remember where he was. He didn't know the dark ceiling above him. Couldn't hear anything beyond his heart pounding like thunder in his ears. It wasn't until he felt someone shift in the bed next to him and he heard a sleepy mumble close to his ear that he recognized where he was and who was with him.

Castle of Lions. His room. His bed. Keith… safe…

A trembling breath escaped him as he swallowed back the sick feeling of bile in his throat that the nightmare had left him with. He tightened his left arm around the younger man's waist and buried his nose in the soft hair at the top of Keith's head. Not caring in the least how his fingers and most of his arm had gone slightly numb from Keith having snuggled in to lay practically on top of him sometime during the night while he slept. The younger man's scent and warmth went a long way to help bring him down from the terror of the nightmare. Slowly his heart rate returned to normal but he was unable to force himself to stop shaking.

It could have been worse. At least this time he hadn't woken up screaming.

With a heavy sigh Shiro forced himself to loosen his hold on the younger man and carefully extracted himself from underneath Keith. The Red Paladin grumbled in annoyance a few times but surprisingly he didn't wake as Shiro did so. As he stood beside the bed, staring down at the younger man who immediately curled into the warm spot that Shiro had left behind he realized just how exhausted Keith must have been. Had Keith slept at all while Shiro had been in the healing pod? He could guess the answer and he honestly wasn't all that surprised.

He knelt down to press a lingering kiss to Keith's sleep soft cheek. The younger man mumbled something unintelligible and Shiro smiled faintly, nuzzling Keith's ear with a soft hushing sound, before he pulled away then quickly and silently crossed the bedroom to the bathroom unit. The door shut behind him and the light came on automatically. Shiro fiddled with the sink controls for a moment with shaking hands before he managed to turn on the cold water and splash it into his overheated face.

The cold helped shock him more fully awake and back into the present, though the memories the dream had pulled forth still seemed to dig into his brain like poisoned claws. Shiro braced his hands on the edge of the sink in an attempt to stop them from shaking.

Thankfully most of the details of his time spent as a… plaything for wealthy Galra noblemen and women was a blur lost in the dark murkiness that surrounded much of his imprisonment. Unfortunately Keith's innocent question had shaken loose some of those memories that Shiro would have rather stayed dead and buried in the murky swamp that was his memory. Now they'd come floating up to the surface like bloated rotting corpses. Impossible to forget or ignore.

But that wasn't really Keith's fault. In fact, it had been happening more and more often lately. Shiro had even managed to remember most of the circumstances of his escape from the Galra while he had been inside the healing pod. He'd already spoken briefly to Allura and Coran about it, about the Galra soldier who'd helped him escape, and they wanted to run tests on his robotic arm in the morning to see if there was anything to it. To find out if it was a real memory, or simply a dream. But Shiro knew it was real.

That memory at least could prove useful. The others…

Damn it. Why did it have to happen then of all times? The question had been utterly innocent. Keith couldn't have known… and Shiro had panicked. Of course Keith had noticed and an otherwise very enjoyable evening had been ruined. They already had so little time to spend together. Saving the universe certainly didn't lend itself to very much free time. Every moment alone with Keith to explore their growing relationship was a gift.

And now Shiro had tainted that with something utterly vile…

The metal sink creaked in protest under his right hand as Shiro lifted his head to practically snarl at himself in the mirror. It was all he could do not to put his fist through his own reflection.

Why did he have to be this pathetic broken… thing? Keith deserved better… so much better…

He knew he was Keith's first. His first lover. Maybe even his first boyfriend. A small part of Shiro was undeniably thrilled at this. To be the first one to ever touch Keith like a lover. To be the first one to kiss him. To be the first to love him and show him just how good it could be. An unexpectedly possessive thought he tried not to dwell on too closely on hoped he would be the only one to ever know Keith so intimately.

He couldn't allow what had happened to him ruin this between him and Keith. He couldn't allow his fears to taint one of the only pure things left from his old life. His dreams, everything he'd ever known, his entire view on the universe, had all but gone up in flames in an instant on Kerberos. Keith was the one thing he had left… that made him still feel human. Made him believe he could still be 'Takashi' and not just 'The Black Paladin' or 'The Champion'. The only reason Shiro could look in a mirror and not see a monster staring back at him.

Shiro remained in the bathroom a long time to compose himself. When he finally emerged Keith was still asleep, thankfully, and had kicked most of the covers off of the bed. Shiro couldn't help but smile at this. Always the contradiction, Keith loved snuggling against Shiro in bed even though Shiro knew he ran hot and never complained. But leave him alone in a bed for a few minutes and this was the first thing Keith did.

He couldn't help but find it endearing. Plus, it presented him with a very nice view. Keith sprawled out on his bed in nothing more than a tight pair of briefs and t-shirt. Shiro debated a moment whether or not to simply let the younger man sleep. Keith obviously needed it. But at the same time, he had a feeling Keith wouldn't mind being woken up. Especially with what Shiro had in mind.

Temptation won, and Shiro quietly closed the distance to the foot of the bed where he knelt down, being careful not to jostle the sleeping man. He reached out lightly circle Keith's ankles with his fingers, slowly moving his hands up the younger man's calves. Keith really did have the most beautiful legs he'd ever seen on a man, long and coltish with an almost delicate bone structure. But Shiro knew from experience that his lover was anything but delicate.

Shiro smiled as his fingers brushed tickling up the back of Keith's thighs causing the younger man to shift and mumbled in his sleep. Leaning down, Shiro's mouth brushed lightly over the back of Keith's knee, then pressed soft kisses and licked playfully up the back of his lover's thighs until Keith started to squirm. Keith's deceptively strong muscles could, and had, delivered him bruising kicks and could wrap around his waist like a vice, but now they were soft and pliant as Shiro gently eased Keith's legs apart. As Shiro began kissing and licking Keith's inner thighs up towards the younger man's ass, Keith finally snuffled adorably and came awake with an confused sound.

The older man took the opportunity to lightly nip at Keith's left butt cheek through his underwear, causing the other man to yelp softly and crane his neck over his shoulder to look at him.

"Shiro?" Keith blinked owlishly at him, his hair mussed in all directions, and Shiro wanted nothing more than to smother him with kisses.

"Hey, babe. This okay?" Shiro asked, pressing an apologetic kiss to the younger man's ass. Keith blinked again slowly, and Shiro began to wonder if he was even awake enough to understand what was happening yet. Then Keith nodded and flopped back down on the bed with his eyes closed. Shiro bit his lip to keep from laughing out loud.

"Keith?"

Shiro only got a sleepy hum in answer. But as Shiro began to gently run his hands up and down the back of younger man's thighs the hum changed to a pleased purr. Shiro took that as a sign to continue, and so he slid his hands further up. Giving his lover's well-rounded ass a playful squeeze before pushing up Keith's shirt to expose his back.

He leaned down to press his lips to Keith's spine, just below his shoulder blades and slowly traced his tongue back down. The younger man shivered and whimpered as Shiro cradled his hips and licked at the base of his spine.

"Lift up, babe," Shiro whispered and Keith did as he asked, arching his hips enough to allow him to pull down his underwear, that he slid off the younger man completely. Keith spread his legs wider as Shiro went back to gently kissing his thighs and then the cheeks of his ass. It wasn't until Shiro began licking closer and closer to the crease of his ass that Keith finally lifted his head to look over his shoulder at him in question.

"Shiro?" Keith's voice was husky with arousal, and probably from just having woken up, "What are you…"

Shiro left off sucking a small love bite on Keith's butt cheek and lifted his head.

"I wanna try something. If you don't like it, we can stop anytime," he repeated the words he'd told Keith many times before since they'd first started sleeping together. As always, Keith nodded, absolute trust in his eyes as he laid his head back down on his crossed arms. As always, Shiro felt utterly humbled by that trust.

He pressed a tender kiss to Keith's ass again before spreading his cheeks gently. Starting at the cleft of Keith's ass, he began to lick along the crease, bypassing the younger man's tight hole for the moment to lick down to his balls. Keith whimpered while his tongue played over his sack for a few moments before traveling back up. This time stopping to give the younger man's hole a teasing swipe.

Keith squeaked.

Shiro laughed.

"You okay, babe?" he asked. It took a few moments before Keith answered.

"Yeah," the younger man replied a little shakily, "It's just… weird…"

"Want me to keep going?" Shiro asked gently.

"Yeah," this time the reply was much more certain, so Shiro went back to work, licking around the fluttering hole almost playfully teasing at first and then with a bit more purpose. If the way Keith's thighs began to tremble and the soft moans that the younger man kept making were any indication, Keith was very much enjoying the attention. When Shiro began to push his tongue past the loosened slippery ring, Keith's hips bucked and the younger man practically shouted in pleasure.

Shiro gripped Keith's thighs harder to keep him steady as his tongue thrust in and out of the tight hole, circling and curling inside the younger man.

"Sh… Shiro… ah… fuck…" Keith cried out as he alternated between rubbing his cock against the covers beneath him and pushing back against Shiro's face. Shiro slipped his hand underneath the younger man to wrap his fingers around Keith's cock, slippery from his own precum, and began jerking him off while he continued to lick his ass. It didn't take long after that for Keith to let out an almost pained whine as his entire body froze, hot cum spilling over Shiro's fingers while the younger man's hole clenched around his tongue.

Shiro lifted his head and groaned softly at the beautiful sight. Keith looked utterly wrecked, flushed skin glistening in the dim starlight from sweat, panting softly, and his hole shiny wet from Shiro's saliva. Shiro pushed his own underwear down his thighs and kissed his way up the length of Keith's back until he was practically blanketing the younger man. His hard cock slid between Keith's sweat slick thighs, nudging underneath the younger man's balls, and Keith moaned softly as he slid his legs together, giving Shiro a nice tight place to fuck. It didn't take long, and soon Shiro was moaning as is cum spilled between the younger man's soft thighs.

Shiro laid there for several moments to catch his breath until he felt Keith begin to squirm uncomfortably under his weight. He rolled off to lay beside the younger man instead, and ran his hand slowly down the length of Keith's back who arched into the touch like a content cat.

"Did you like that?" Shiro asked. Keith turned his head towards him and nodded. The older man smiled, "Good."

But when Shiro went to kiss Keith, he wasn't prepared to receive the hard shove to his chest that he did, and fell off the bed entirely. He heard Keith giggling from over the edge of the bed and he sat up from the floor to give the younger man an exaggerated pout.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"There's no way I'm kissing you until you brush your teeth," Keith replied, still snickering, and when it finally dawned on Shiro he couldn't help but laugh as well.

"All right, fair enough," he said and stood from the floor to head to the bathroom. But not without delivering a smart slap to Keith's ass on the way, smiling at the younger man's indignant yelp.

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been discontinued. Mostly because I've moved on from the Voltron fandom.


End file.
